wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
