you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
