she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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