I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
false alarm, still single
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize