Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
