Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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