What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
