it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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