dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
