she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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