why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
