I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
