sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
