Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
