Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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