There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
