Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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