I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
