he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
