the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
