Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
