I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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