White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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