you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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