his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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