I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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