Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
