okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
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CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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