I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
