Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
