He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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