I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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