Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
