Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
