You're so nebulous sometimes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
