I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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