He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
