He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
