My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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