Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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