So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
