Too much gin, very little bucket
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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