now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
