so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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