I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize