i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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