All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
