When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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