you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
