if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
