My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
