I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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