Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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