I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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