i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
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First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
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your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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