I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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