Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
