oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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