You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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