Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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