i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??