Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.