Texts From Last Night

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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.

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  (989): Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother. http://tfl.nu/be9n
  Replies (86) Good night (4154) Bad night (7762)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  thats a woman

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  (709): she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her. (709): thats a woman http://tfl.nu/e6ls
  Replies (10) Good night (1361) Bad night (1960)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  You did not just nickname me "Nipples".

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  (847): You did not just nickname me "Nipples". http://tfl.nu/cizi
  Replies (22) Good night (3835) Bad night (1534)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.

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  (256): Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs. http://tfl.nu/y8sy
  Replies (23) Good night (2452) Bad night (4726)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys

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  (318): You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys http://tfl.nu/kc5i
  Replies (7) Good night (2508) Bad night (1039)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.

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  (712): in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am. http://tfl.nu/pxzm
  Replies (5) Good night (2640) Bad night (1211)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.

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  (503): I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight. http://tfl.nu/rrui
  Replies (8) Good night (2863) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.

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  (949): Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities. http://tfl.nu/bc5t
  Replies (14) Good night (1759) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.

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  (404): He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump. http://tfl.nu/2ksd
  Replies (7) Good night (611) Bad night (2209)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?

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  (484): Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain? http://tfl.nu/2na3
  Replies (11) Good night (1284) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.

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  (574): We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head. http://tfl.nu/s37i
  Replies (14) Good night (1921) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.

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  (703): BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES. http://tfl.nu/8c1x
  Replies (3) Good night (504) Bad night (1262)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  that happened

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  (508): Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing? (603): that happened http://tfl.nu/dxuy
  Replies (1) Good night (366) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.

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  (313): Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud. http://tfl.nu/p5tt
  Replies (2) Good night (342) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.

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  (203): I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work. http://tfl.nu/a9fd
  Replies (1) Good night (300) Bad night (346)

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