Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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