I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
