My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Pooping to opera.
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