We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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