I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
