I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
